


Anywhere Else

by MessusMinnow



Series: WolfStar love [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Boys Love - Freeform, Fluffy Smut, M/M, Memories, Remus POV, Remusandsirius, Smut, sad feels, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:34:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23897581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MessusMinnow/pseuds/MessusMinnow
Summary: Remus has something he has to get out. But he can't stop seeing what they used to be together.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: WolfStar love [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1718506
Comments: 6
Kudos: 29





	Anywhere Else

**Author's Note:**

> I imagine this taking place in between the fourth and fifth books, if you care about a timeline. One of my favorite things about the Marauders is that they end in tragedy, so I wanted to write something where the tragedy is still there, but there is hope for a future. I feel so much emotion writing WolfStar fanfiction because it warms my heart while simultaneously tearing it to shreds. So here is a work of feels, that legit made me cry.

Remus took a deep breath in as he climbed up the steps to Grimmauld place. He opened the door to complete silence. The place was dusty and old, he slid out of his coat and took a couple more steps inside.  
“I’ll ‘ave no bloodthirsty werewolves skulking about… if my missus knew the type of garbage bein’ allowed through these doors…” the house elf moved slowly up to him.  
“Creature!” he heard the yell from the top of the stairs followed by a very loud screech. “What the bloody hell?” a man with wild black hair appeared at the top of the stairs. “Remus…” he looked almost in a panic. He looked around at his surroundings before slowly descending the stairs.  
“Sirius…” Remus said. Finally the black haired man was before him, the wild eyes that Remus had fallen in love with a lifetime ago, the eyes that he thought he would look into for the rest of his life, now looked unhinged instead. “I… I came to…” Remus sighed.  
Sirius eyed Remus for a long moment before finally uncrossing his arms. “Do you want some tea?”  
“Do you have anything stronger?” Remus asked. 

They sat in silence, both sipping glasses of brandy across the room from each other.  
“Is that the hippogriff up there, making that entire racket?” Remus asked, trying anything to diffuse the tension between the two men. They had been in contact, while Sirius was in hiding, they had been in contact, but only as much as necessary for the Order as it was coming together. Remus hadn’t seen Sirius since that night they had captured Peter, it still surprised him how different Sirius was now. He looked crazy now, he used to have a wild air about him when they were young, but now there wasn’t any sort of carefree wildness to him, just chaotic energy that inevitably would come after spending twelve years in hell.  
Sirius said nothing regarding his comment, just took another long sip of his brandy.  
Remus took a deep breath; he knew what he had to do. “Sirius… I can’t begin to ask your forgiveness.” Sirius’s eyes shot to him, but he still said nothing. “I believed it. Every word. I thought that you had betrayed James and Lily. I hated you for it. And I hated myself for not having been there. For them. And for you. I had never imagined that it would end up being…” Remus hesitated and cleared his throat. “And I should have known better than to believe it. I should have fought for you, Sirius. Because I knew you. I knew you…”  
Sirius was silent for a long time after that. He finally took a shaky breath in. “You shouldn’t be the one apologizing, Remus. I suspected you. I spent all my life telling you that you weren’t a monster, and I believed it… but then there I was and I worried that you would betray us. And I’d like to say that it was because you were concerned about James trusting his friends so blindly, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I hadn’t worried that you had been swayed because you were a werewolf. I had been so terrified of losing James that I began to believe the worst in you. I’ll never forgive myself for what I did. If I had trusted you… if I hadn’t been so… bloody idiotic I would have seen that it was Pettigrew. It had always been him. He was never part of us. He was our friend sure… but he was always on the outside. I underestimated him, and you. And I will never forgive myself for what I did. Because I killed my best friend, and I betrayed the person I loved more than anything else in the world.”  
They finally met eyes for the first time that night. Remus had loved Sirius more than anything else too; he had wanted them to have a life together. But that was a different life. Now they were as good as strangers. He didn’t know what to say, he didn’t blame Sirius for not trusting him, he had decided that it was what he had deserved anyways, and he knew now that Peter had been in his ear, twisting him against Remus by using his love and need to protect James, who had been a brother to him.  
“War brings out the worst in people, Sirius. I don’t blame you… I understand it even.”  
“Don’t.” Sirius was sharp. He knew, even after all these years where Remus’s mind would go immediately. “Don’t try and make an excuse for me, Rem.” Sirius seemed to flinch at using the nickname he would always call Remus back when they were young and in love. Back when nothing could touch them. Sirius looked down to his hands as his thumbs ran across the rim of his glass. “You are more than what he made you, Remus. And you’ve proven over and over again that you are nothing but honorable.”  
“Sirius…” Remus whispered despite himself.  
Sirius met his eyes again; they sat there staring at each other for a long time, the fire crackling making the only sound. Remus couldn’t breathe, he felt like he was being held down by this man’s gaze. He didn’t know if he wanted to get up and run out the door or run towards Sirius again like they were eighteen with the world at their feet.  
Sirius moved first, eliminating the distance between them with a few strides, and Remus was once again caught in his orbit, knowing the hold was still too strong and all he could do was fall into Sirius. Knowing there was never any other option. Sirius’s lips were on his own in an instant. He tasted of smoke and the brandy that still lingered. Remus stood up, inhaling deeply of the smell of the other man, the smell that he had found intoxicating in his youth, the smell that he had missed so desperately, even after he had learned of all of the horrible crimes that Sirius had committed, the smell that had changed so much since they were young, but at the same time, not much at all. He wrapped his arms around Sirius and pulled him closer, melting into the other man’s embrace.  
Suddenly they were a flurry of motion, Sirius unbuttoning Remus’s shirt as Remus slid his hands underneath Sirius’s pulling it up over his mess of curls. Remus took a moment to linger over the other man’s body. Sirius was covered in tattoos now, they covered his torso, and they hid the fact he was much thinner now. The last thirteen years had clearly been hell on the man.  
Remus felt the stab of guilt at that fact, because he should have fought for the man he knew, he should have fought with his life for the man that he had loved more than anything else. But he didn’t, and that was thirteen years they could never get back.  
Sirius pulled his chin to him, forcing them to lock eyes again. “Rem…” he whispered reaching up to wrap his arms around Remus. Remus’s body seemed to take over, the muscle memory of the other man’s skin on his own still lingered, because Remus breathed into the embrace, feeling everything else around him melt away. He grabbed Sirius again and pulled him closer, pressing their lips together, never wanting to separate, fearful that if they stopped now, he would disappear again forever.  
They were on the floor, the fire crackling around them, and Remus had missed this far more than he had realized. Sirius’s mouth was on him as he unbuttoned Remus’s trousers all while pulling the blonde man on top of him and squirming out of his own pants. They stopped then and looked at each other, the pleasure and fear mixing together and swirling around them.  
Remus wanted to say that this wasn’t a good idea. He wanted to remind Sirius that they weren’t kids anymore, and that they had responsibilities, and that they were about to fight in another war, and that there was so much to lose. But more than that he wanted desperately to feel Sirius again, to feel his breath hot on his skin, to feel him wrapped around him. So he swallowed all of his doubts and uncertainty and focused only on the man in front of him. He leaned down and began pressing kisses into Sirius’s neck, letting his teeth run along the vein in his neck, relishing in hearing Sirius shudder underneath him. He began kissing down his ink-covered chest and down further still. Sirius inhaled sharply and grabbed at Remus’s hair as Remus took him into his mouth.  
“Rem…” Sirius breathed out through breathy moans and gasps of air, and it catapulted Remus back to musty broom cupboards and the darkest parts of the Hogwarts library, with hands pulling desperately at Remus’s hair while stifled moans escaped the black haired boy as he begged for release. But Remus wasn’t ready to end this just yet, so before Sirius could finish, Remus stopped, smirking at the obvious disappointment on Sirius’s face.  
“Be patient.” Remus whispered to Sirius, kissing at his neck.  
“It’s been a long time, Rem.” Sirius was shaking with the anticipation.  
“That’s why I want it to last…” Remus pressed his lips to the other man’s.  
Sirius let out a huff of laughter. “You’re killing me here, Remus.”  
Remus smiled and wet his fingers, wrapping his fingers around his own cock itching for release. He slid himself on top of Sirius; the hesitation must have been more visible than he had hoped, because Sirius cocked his head before giving Remus a soft, knowing smile and running his fingers through the blonde man’s hair.  
“I’ve loved you for over half my life, Rem. You don’t think I’ve stopped now, do you?” Remus looked at the man, weathered by time, but he could still see the boy that he had fallen so desperately in love with that he was sure he made the sun rise and fall every day.  
Remus dropped his head, letting Sirius catch his chin in his hand. He leaned down further, pressing their lips together as he pressed into Sirius, the familiar warmth making his eyes flutter closed and his teeth dig into his bottom lip as a groan escaped him. It was ecstasy, it was bliss. He had missed this so much. He had missed seeing Sirius’s eyes roll back in his head as a hand instinctively went up to cover his mouth, the other hand pulling Remus in closer to him. He missed the muffled groan that could still be heard even with the hand trying to prevent it. He missed the way he could feel Sirius tightening around him, the way he wrapped his legs around Remus’s hips, the way he arched up underneath Remus. The way he breathed his name, like it was the only prayer he knew. Remus had missed so badly the way he felt when he was with Sirius, he had missed feeling like a human. Feeling human needs and human desires. He hadn’t felt this human in thirteen years. He hadn’t felt such raw emotions since he had been wrapped up in this other man’s embrace. He nuzzled into Sirius’s neck as Sirius’s pants came on quicker and his moans became breathier. He plastered his lips onto Sirius’s as he moaned into the other man’s mouth, coming in long hot spurts inside of him, feeling the hot liquid coat up his stomach and chest as Sirius came as well.  
They were silent for a long time, just stuck together both panting, neither moving, Sirius nestled in perfectly against Remus’s neck. Finally Remus slid off of Sirius and laid down on the carpet next to him, marveling at the way Sirius glistened in the firelight, wondering if he had always been so extraordinary, knowing he had. He didn’t know what was waiting for them after this, he didn’t know if they would survive this, but he knew that he couldn’t imagine himself anywhere else.  
“I’ve never stopped either, Sirius.” He whispered into the man’s wild hair, snuggling closer into him letting himself feel all of the emotions he had been holding back for so long. Letting himself be fifteen again, bathed in golden sunlight, with his hands tangled into the hair of the boy standing next to him. Waiting patiently for their lives to begin.


End file.
